


Odi et amo

by moon_in_daylight



Series: Dhawan!Master one shots [2]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, I'm such a history geek I'm sorry, Odi et Amo, Originally Posted on Tumblr, latin poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:26:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23720794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moon_in_daylight/pseuds/moon_in_daylight
Summary: You already knew The Master wasn’t the easiest person to put up with when you started travelling with him, but sometimes his temper makes you wonder why you even try.
Relationships: The Master (Dhawan)/Reader
Series: Dhawan!Master one shots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1782526
Comments: 9
Kudos: 56





	Odi et amo

**Author's Note:**

> I was going through my old Latin notes and when I found this poem I felt the need of writing this idea. My history geek side was strong while writing this, so I apologize for that.

Traveling with The Master could be a little too much sometimes.

Not that you didn’t enjoy it, or that you weren’t grateful for the chance you were given to explore both time and space. You would always be grateful for everything he had done for you. For showing you the stars, and for taking you to places not even books could properly describe.

It was the most amazing experience you could have ever imagined, but sometimes his reckless behavior made things incredibly hard for you.

That time he had taken you to one of the time periods that had always aroused your curiosity, the final decades of the Roman Republic. He didn’t usually consulted you on when or where to go, he would simply set the controls on some random alien planet and let hell break lose wherever he went, but maybe hearing you talk about history with such passion as you did, had gotten him to take you there. Not that he would admit he had took you there on purpose. According to what he said when his TARDIS landed in the middle of the Forum, his ship had just casually landed there, in a completely random way.

You didn’t care what he said, though. You were simply ecstatic to be in the middle of the golden century of the Roman culture, it didn’t matter if it had been due a typo with the coordinates or whatever other excuse he tried to come up with. Only thinking about all the legendary pieces of art that were being written in the century you were visiting amazed you: Virgil’s Aeneid, Ovid’s Metamorphoses, and, of course, all of Cicero’s speeches.

For all of your student life you had heard about the myths, the battles, and everything related with the years prior the Roman Empire. But you could have never imagined you would be able to see how astonishing Rome had been in its golden century with your very own eyes.

It was simply unbelievable to think about all those historians trying to study every word written about Rome in libraries and museums when you got the chance to actually stand there. To witness the last years of one of the most important periods in western history. A period that was soon to be over, maybe even sooner than you had expected.

It had only been a few hours since the TARDIS had landed, but, as usual, it hadn’t taken long for The Master to start messing around with important historical events.

You should have probably expected it, it was always like that with The Master. He was reckless, chaotic, and he didn’t care who he killed or what he destroyed. You shouldn’t have been surprised when he used his tissue compression eliminator on one the most important historical figures of all time.

You barely had time to realize what had happened before the entirety of the Roman army started to chase you.

“You, me. TARDIS. Now!” You rushed The Master angrily. He rolled his eyes as he teleported you both back to his ship, making you disappear in front of a bunch of confused Roman soldiers. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?!” You asked in frustration at him. He ignored you, walking towards the console.

“He was going to die soon anyway.” The Master uninterested voice said, not paying attention to you.

“Julius Caesar wasn’t supposed to die until 44 B.C!” You reprimanded him.

The Master kept ignoring you as he moved things around the console, causing you to get angrier. Why did he had to be like that? Was it so much to ask that he didn’t kill anyone for just once? All you wanted was to spend a few hours there, maybe meet some of the authors you had read about all your life and even get the chance to talk to them. But thanks to his volatile temper all you had achieved was to become a public enemy to the Roman Republic.

“You just erased the last 10 years of his life and it may have changed the whole course of history!” Thinking about the impact of his actions, you added.

“So?” He turned to you, as if nothing happened. “He was a moron.”

“That’s not the point!” You cut him off, frustrated by how little he cared. “You can’t go around killing whoever you want!”

The Master looked at you in a threatening way, his deadly cold stare making you look away for a moment. It wasn’t the first time the two of you got into an argument like this one and you knew that he wasn’t amused by your impertinence. You had seen him destroy planets and civilizations in the blink of an eye, tear apart galaxies in a matter of hours. You knew upsetting him wasn’t the smart thing to do, but sometimes he could be so infuriating that you just couldn’t help yourself from rebelling to him.

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breathe in an attempt to calm down his temper he walked towards you. You looked at him in awe, swallowing the lump in your throat as you did your best to hold his gaze.

“I think you’re forgetting who you’re travelling with.” He harshly said, his eyes piercing right throw you. “You’re my pet, you don’t get to tell me what to do. If you don’t like it, leave.”

You held his stare for a few more seconds before finally giving up and leaving the TARDIS. It was completely impossible to reason with him, and you weren’t sure why you even tried anymore. It always had to be his chaotic, destructive way. You loved him, but he truly was infuriating.

Sometimes you just wished he could be a bit more relaxed, more empathic. But that wasn’t the way he was. He would never be.

You walked through Rome’s crowded streets without looking back, focused only on the anger that you were feeling. In times like these, you seriously considered the possibility of just leaving his TARDIS and going back home. You didn’t want to, but his temper was too much to bear at times. There was no need or use on killing randomly whenever he felt like it, so why couldn’t he control himself? At times like this you couldn’t help but second guess why you put up with him, why you stayed by his side in despite of all the evil things he did.

You still needed him though. He had shown you the most amazing things, taken you to places in the universe you could have never imagined could exist. And you also needed him if you wanted to go back home. Retracing your steps, you found that his TARDIS was now gone. Honestly, you weren’t surprised.

Now you were stuck in the 1st century BC. Not exactly the adventure you were looking forward to.

Resigned, you walked away from the place where the time machine had been just a few moments ago and wandered again through the metropolis. You didn’t know how long you were going to be there, or if you would ever be able to go back home again. You thought you might as well get to know the place a bit, always being careful not to bump into one of the soldiers that had seen you with The Master before, of course. The last thing you needed right now was some soldier recognizing you as one of Caesar’s murderers.

Trying to be discrete, you decided to get inside the first library you found in hopes you could hide yourself there.

You were so upset that you barely could enjoy all the knowledge that surrounded you. Normally, you would have rushed through all the shelves, picking up as many books as you could and reading as much as you could from them, The Master following you close behind as he watched you with an amused expression. But The Master wasn’t there, and you didn’t feel like doing anything other than sitting in a corner and watch the hours go by.

Just a few moments ago, you would have punched the Time Lord in the face if you had seen him, and now all you could do was think of how much you would like him to be there with you. Not only because you were trapped there without him, but because things got too quiet when he was not around. You didn’t usually admitted, but his chaotic self wasn’t always that bad. Sometimes it was fun to just watch him as he got the both of you into the most absolutely twisted situations. Now that he wasn’t there, you only wished he came back.

Getting yourself lost in those thoughts, you eyed a papyrus placed in front of you. And letting curiosity take over you, you started to read it. Soon, you recognized some of the verses written in front of you. You had read those before. They were poems written by Catullus, addressed to his lover Lesbia. They had been written only a few years before the day you had landed in. 

Doing your best to understand the poems, to translate them, you looked for a specific one. It had been some time since you had last studied Latin, but you still remembered the basics. Enough to understand most of the words.

Carefully looking through the verses, you found the one you were looking for:

_Odi et amo. Quare id faciam, fortasse requiris._

_Nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior._

It took you a bit of effort to remember those old verses, but there was a reason why those words had popped inside your head. You roughly translated the verses:

_I hate and I love. You may wonder why I do so._

_I don’t know, but I feel it that way and I am tormented._

You looked at the words written in front of you, immediately thinking of The Master.

It was almost as if those verses were talking about the two of you. You hated him at times. You hated his stubbornness, his annoying arrogance. But you had been with him long enough to know that there was so much more to him than that.

He was also one of the most important people in your life. Despite his bad temper, besides his irrational anger. You couldn’t imagine what your life would be without him. Without travelling the stars with him, without being around him as his companion. You loved him and you knew that the feeling was mutual, even though he would never admit it out loud.

It was probably irrational, but that’s how you felt. And you knew deep down that you wouldn’t change it for the world. You wanted him, even though you didn’t always agree with him and even though you got mad at him sometimes.

You probably were out of your mind to feel that way for The Master. But then again, maybe he wasn’t the only psychopath travelling inside that TARDIS.

Well, he was now, you supposed, since you were stuck in Ancient Rome.

You felt a tear running down your cheek when you thought about the possibility of never seeing him again. You couldn’t blame anyone but yourself, tough, you had been the one to voluntarily leave his TARDIS.

Looking up when you saw a silhouette, you quickly recognized him by the color of his coat. The Master couldn’t be any more surprised when you quickly got up and hugged him. He had to admit that that gesture of yours caught him a bit out of guard.

“I thought you had left forever.” You told him, your head buried in the crook of his neck. He slowly put his arms around you, not knowing well how to react. Showing affection wasn’t something he dealt well with, it was easier to just argue with you.

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” He admitted, letting his pride aside for barely a second.

He wasn’t going to admit it, but when he hadn’t found you in the first minutes after coming back for you, he had started to get worried sick that something had happened to you. He wouldn’t have forgiven himself if that had been the case, but he wasn’t planning on telling you any of it.

The both of you were too proud to form a proper apology, but this was the closest you would get to it. It was enough for you, and you hoped it would be for him too.

“Don’t ever run off like that again.” The Master said, letting go of you as he put back that front of his again. It was surprising to see how even him had that soft spot too.

Silently, he guided you back to the TARDIS. For the whole way back, you were still consumed by your thoughts, your mind remembering that poem every time you looked in his direction. You felt something strong for him, and you knew he felt it back. If it had been any other person, he would have never came back.

Once in the TARDIS, he walked back to the console, carefully looking at you from the corner of his eye so you wouldn’t notice. Since you hadn’t said a word in several minutes, he supposed you were still mad at him.

“I know this isn’t how you had pictured this adventure, but I-“ He started, but you quickly cut him off. You knew how hard it was for him to say those words.

“It’s okay.” You said, placing yourself beside him in the console. “Maybe I overreacted too. You were right about Caesar being a moron after all.” You laughed.

The Master turned to you with an amused gesture on his face. It wasn’t every day that either of you apologized to the other.

“You can keep him, if that's any consolation.” He searched for the miniaturized version of the Roman general in his pocket, offering it to you.

“I can’t believe you kept him.” You took him into your hands, analyzing it closely. You couldn’t help the smile from forming in your face. “You’re the absolute worst, I hate you!”

“No, you do not.” The Master smirked at you as he pulled a lever of his ship, taking you to your next adventure.


End file.
